let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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