chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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