you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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