you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
