It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
