if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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