when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
