how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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