I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
