ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
