So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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