It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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