i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I understand Curling. That high.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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