I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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