i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
