Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
