I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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