Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
