I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize