Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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