dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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