hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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