I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
