Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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