i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
