if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
