I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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