Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
