I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
