i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
