tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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