i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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