girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
