I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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