3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
MIDGETS
????
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
