She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
