Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
