I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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