6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
