the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
