Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
