you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
