dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
