Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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