He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize