Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
