Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
