Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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