I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
