I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
