The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
