Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
