allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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