I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
