NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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