ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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