I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
