Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
